Don’t Believe the Hype: Summer Movies

By:

Matthew J.R. Kohler

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Because most of the movies look dreadful this summer, I decided to clump them all into one big article to share why I think you shouldn’t go to the movies.  While commercials try really really hard to get you to the theatres, I feel that instead they are attempting to keep me from the theatres.  I mean, name one blockbuster this summer that isn’t a remake, sequel, or something we have seen a million times in the last five years.  Yup, I can’t think of anything.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

Hey look, it’s 1990 all over again!  Apparently, the remake didn’t suck enough to kill the franchise, so we needed a crappier one to do the job.  In a time when media is not trying to be offensive, the new Turtles film sure does a good job of being just that to true fans of the source material.  Not only does the film not take itself seriously, but also everything looks so out of place and fake I would just rather watch the 90s live action show (and that is saying a lot).

Independence Day 2

We’ve been waiting twenty years for this…well not me, or you, but…I guess Hollywood has?  Not every movie needs a sequel.  Independence Day is a standalone film.  It has a beginning, middle, and end.  Who cares about what happens next?   For some odd reason, they don’t know how to end things in Hollywood.  Maybe the spaceship in the first one should have hit Hollywood instead of the White House.

Finding Dory

Pixar has a good track record when it comes to sequels (Toy Story 2 and 3, Monster’s University).  But, this is a spinoff movie that hasn’t seen a lot of commercial time on Disney’s main stations.  That, to me, means trouble because usually Disney boasts about how awesome their new movie is.  Sigh.

Star Trek Beyond

How do we make something cool?  I know, we play Beastie Boys in the trailer; they were anti-establishment back in the day, and rebelliousness is the tone we want to give to a Stark Trek movie.  We all know the trailer was godawful, and the premise sounds all too familiar.  It’s like the filmmakers can’t make anything new and exciting and just have to look back to the original series.  Remember Indiana Jones?  That was an original take on something we’ve seen a million times.  But who needs creativity when you have name brand recognition and hundreds of millions of dollars?

2016 seems to be offering the least promising summer of movies I have seen in several years.  Hopefully, one of these years,  the movies that come out will generally be more original.  That way, I’ll actually feel like I’m in present day, and not some past decade.

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