Suicide Squad: Why I Can’t Believe this Film is Real

suicide squad

by: Matthew J.R. Kohler

Every year I think there is at least one or two superhero flicks that are so bad it’s insane it was made.  Last year it was Ant-Man, Avengers: Age of Ultron, and Fantastic Four.  This year, it looks to be Suicide Squad.  After watching the newest trailer, I believe Warner Bros. thinks that we, as audience members, are stupid.  Below is the trailer and my take on what should be the worst movie of 2016.

  • First off, why the hell does it start off with “Bohemian Rhapsody”?  I love Queen, but why this song?  They could have at least chosen a lesser-known song or, I don’t know, create an original piece.  The laziness in this film becomes glaring from the get go.
  • Every comic book/action movie now has to look like it is the most epic film ever.  What happened to the Supermans and the Batmans, where they felt simply like a small-scope comic that came to life?  Now, everything is either dark, bloated beyond belief, and/or tongue-in-cheek.
  • Jeez, 19 seconds in and we get the cliché of clichés—someone saying they want to put a team together.  How many freaking times have I heard this one?  Anytime there’s an ensemble in a movie, somebody wants to assemble a team.  It’s fine that they want to do this, but we don’t need that exact scene in the film and those exact words.
  • The first time in the trailer that they have to remind us that they are bad guys…because we don’t know Harley Quinn is bad, and we forgot that we just saw them all in jail.
  • Will Smith just looks bored.  He used to be a charismatic actor, and now I don’t think he wants to act anymore.  Maybe he is trying to sabotage this movie?
  • Now the next cliché: they have to oversimplify every character by telling us, in a couple of words, what they do.  You know, it’s not that hard to go on the internet and look up who these people are.  Who’s the target audience of this film?  Everyone?
  • What the hell happened to Killer Croc?  He looks like a pile of poop that was thrown off a windshield.  I understand he is a part of Suicide Squad, but if he looks that terrible, why put him in the movie?
  • Harley Quinn is not funny at all.
  • Well, they are able to tell you the plot of this crap in five seconds—go somewhere bad to save the world or die.
  • Wow, Jared Leto is doing an embarrassingly poor Heath Ledger impression.  By the way, if you want to make Joker cool, actually make him crazy by telling real jokes that sound sadistic.
  • A montage of cool action!  Yes!  Actually, no.  If you want me to get excited about people killing other people, actually show them do it in camera.  Do not make it look digital and green-screened.
  • And the final shot to the nuts is that they have to tell us once again that they are bad guys.  Man, I almost forgot in two minutes; thanks for reminding me.
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